Real Housewives
22 major moments from season 3 of Real Housewives of Melbourne
The Shane Warne Saga
Did Shane Warne ask Janet out? Was Lydia flirting with him? Will we ever know? Probably not.
“I wanted to smack that Lydiot.”
The claws are OUT. Witty, Janet.
Those cringe-worthy moments between Lydia and her Asian housekeeper
“We’re going chong chong, not ching ching… Whatever, it all sounds the same to me.”
When Pettifleur tries to get Gamble’s attention through rumours of her soon-to-be husband
“JUST LISTEN TO ME SUGARDADDY.COM.”
When Lydia forgets how to “spock”
When Jackie becomes a psychic
Actually a very touching segment. Jackie tells Susie her grandmother Rosie is happy in heaven, delivering a heart-warming message. Grandfather Frank is there too, who is excited—of all things—that you can “smoke in heaven”.
Janet’s wise advise about child-making to Jackie
“Do you want a Scorpio or a Leo?… You don’t want a child that’s not compatible with you.”
When Gamble has the PERFECT come-back.
Pettifleur: “My perfume would smell sexy.”
Gamble: “Like cum?”
DEAR LORD.
When Gamble’s son Rick keeps it real about the 12-tier wedding cake
“Do your friends even eat calories?”
Pettifleur’s awkward initial rejection of Gamble’s wedding invite
Pettifleur: “I think you should think about it.”
Gamble: “Okay, I’ve thought about it. Get fucked.
Gina’s super awkward pre-wedding disappearance for a “private viewing party of Celebrity Apprentice”
“Does watching yourself on TV mean more than your best friend’s wedding?”
Gamble’s perfect wedding ceremony:
“It’s probably the most beautiful moment of my life.” Storms couldn’t wash away the perfect day—but wait, the storm comes later. In the form of disgruntled Housewives.
The perfect “aww” family moment
Gamble to Luke, her husband’s son: “If I couldn’t dreamt up a son in my wildest dreams, you’re the perfect, perfect son.”
Susie’s SUPER awkward date
This charmer has a super-evolved theory of two types of women—the ones you want to sleep with, and the unattractive ones you take to meet your mum. Cue Susie’s “help me” ear-ripping code.
When Gina’s “very happy with the D”
Good for you, Gina! By the way, we mean fragrance D for her perfume. Not something else. Get your heads out of the gutter.
When Lydia makes out with a seal
“It was divine. A seal has the hots for me? Never had that kind of fish on my lips.”
When Lydia says Dubai “Feels like home”
I can’t keep up with all these zingers. She can’t even name what country Dubai is in.
When Pettifleur explodes and becomes a wordsmith
“STOP THE FUCK!” So eloquent.
When Janet has the hots for a Sheik
“We were on camels yesterday… Honestly, I could ride a camel ALL DAY.” Smooooooth.
When tensions between Gina and Gamble rise—and Gina is ice cold
“Don’t be a fucking sook about bullshit… I can’t be bothered.” Ouch.
Drag queen donkeys
THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.
When Gamble’s step-son Luke tells it like it is
“You have terrible choice in friends. They’re just a . . . violent pack of bitches.”
And Jackie’s face—just because
Remind me, why are they friends again?
It Begins With Z 