Ah, Tinder. You’re as useful as you are cringe-worthy. We’ve all heard about the horror stories—whether they’ve happened to us, or to someone we know. And yet, for some reason, we continue to swipe right, unbeknownst to us that we may be about to invite a total creep into our life.
For the few people who actually have successful relationships and friendships from Tinder, we salute you. But for the rest of us mere mortals, Tinder is hilarious, strange, insulting, creepy and sometimes downright sad. And thanks to the wonders of the internet, our discomfort will now be your entertainment—enjoy!
“I tried out Tinder for like 3 days but then deleted it because no one would match with me.” –L, 25.
“[Some guy told me:] I wish you were my little toe, because I’d bang you on the coffee table.” –T, 21.
What a pick up line!
“I had a guy from Tinder actually track me down and introduce himself to me at uni. I didn’t recognise him because he looked nothing like his picture.” –Z, 20.
Awkward. Pro tip: don’t stalk people you’re interested—because it (usually) doesn’t work.
“I say hey, and they never reply.” –R, 21.
“I once turned a Tinder conversation into a business deal to make a website for my business.”—S, 20.
I’m not sure it’s supposed to work like that, but good on you!
“Guy: Hey. What’s your snapchat?
Me: Why? You’re not going to send me pictures of your junk, are you?
Guy: Lol wtf? No . . . do guys do that?
Me: Yes. It’s usually the only reason they want to add girls on Snapchat.
Guy: I promise I won’t do that.
Me: Okay. *Gives Snapchat*.
. . . Five minutes later . . .
*Receives snap from guy; opens it. It’s a dick pick.*
Me: You motherfucker.” –S, 30.
We’ve been there girl. I hear you. Guys, please don’t send random women pictures of your genitals. We really don’t like it.
“I had a guy randomly ask me in the middle of a conversation if I wanted to see him naked. As if that were some kind of fantastic pick up line or something.” Z, 20.
Smooth as butter.
“I invited a guy over, and he looked a lot larger than his photos . . . [when] I saw him at the end of the drive way . . . Shamefully, I grabbed my phone off charge in the lounge room where the windows were open and hid in my bedroom. Heard him knocking for ages. Eventually, he left and I messaged him saying why didn’t you come around? I pretended I was in the back room and must not have heard him. So ashamed!” –K, 24.
Ah, poor guy!
“I had a guy ask to be his second partner for him and his pregnant wife. He said with his Mrs being preggers, they wanted a third party to join in to spice things up a little for them both. I deleted Tinder the next day.” –A, 20.
Probably not one of the strangest things to occur on Tinder . . .
“I went on a first date with this girl from Tinder and she messaged me later telling me she loved me. “—D, 21.
But, what if it was love at first sight, D?
“[I was on a date with this guy in America and he] wouldn’t stop nodding at me. Even when we were not talking. It was super awkward.” –A, 21.
“I didn’t realise Tinder was a dating ap. So I looked for both guys and girls, hoping to make some friends. Safe to say I probably wasted the time of a few lesbian women trying to find relationships.” –S, 20.
“A guy stood me up like five times, and I was awkwardly waiting for him for an hour at a bowling alley once.” –A, 21.
Let’s hope karma strikes back!
“On a date one guy legit talked about his drunken experiences the whole time and didn’t even take me anywhere, after sending me on a wild goose chase to find him. Then he just rambled about his drunken experiences and that his dad was rich.”—A, 21.
Impressive, tell me more?
“This one guy pretended to be Morty from the show Rick and Morty—literally everything he said was a quote from the show. It was pretty great.” –Z, 20.
I like what you got. Show me what you got.
And last, but certainly not least, this saga . . .
“Me: so I was talking to this girl, right . . .
Her: Hi, are you willing to be controlled and obey? I am a dominant mistress looking for a submissive to obey and worship me.
Me: Lol yeah, I could live with that.
(She told me to call her mistress and tell her my sex fantasies. I told her to tie me to something so hard it leaves marks and indents).
Her: But first . . . you need to undergo my online training . . . and sign a contract.
Me: Basically it was a scam site to try and get me to pay for sex from a random person off the internet.” –D, 21.
Well, then. There are no words for that.
May the odds be ever in your favour, fellow Tinder users.
Do you have any cringe-worthy Tinder moments? Let us know in the comments!
Going to the gym is hard.
I find I often start off with the best of intentions, only to find myself falling into a pile of procrastination and excuses. If it’s in the morning, I groan as I put my alarm clock to snooze for the seventh time (I am not kidding, I need this to even consider waking up in the morning). Then I think to myself, I work hard at uni. I have such long days. I deserve a sleep in, yay me. Night time is quite similar—I think, well, it will probably be crowded now it’s after 5pm. Honestly, I just want to go home and make some kind of delicious elaborate food. Maybe I’ll study. Maybe I’ll even have a bubble bath. Do I do any of these things? Absolutely not. My routine normally consists of lazy (yet still somewhat healthy) vegan meals and a lot of time procrastinating either gaming, watching movies, or binge-watching TV shows and anime.
So, how do you make yourself change? I asked personal trainer Melanie Hawksley for her best tips—along with some probably embarrassing anecdotes on my part.
- Find your motivation
What do you want out of exercise and healthy eating? Is it for the right reasons? As women, we’re so often bombarded with a relentless stream of people telling us how we should and shouldn’t look. Maybe, sometimes we just want to feel sexy and confident. I’ll admit, I often feel the need to work out because I am unhappy with my body. However, this can become a bit obsessive. Instead, I like to repeat Jennifer Lawerence’s ideas of body image. When training for her role as Katniss in the Hunger Games, she famously argued:
“I’m never going to starve myself for a part . . . I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I’m going to skip dinner . . . I was trying to get my body to look fit and strong, not thin and underfed.”
Instead of thinking of working out as a way to get sexy, think of it as a way to nourish and strengthen your body. After all, it will carry you for life.
- Find like-minded people
Specifically, people who will keep you motivated. People who have similar goals.
“You need to find someone (or a group of people) who will push you to the gym, and you to them, even when you may not feel interested,” Melanie Hawksley said.
This is difficult for me. I’ve recently moved to a new area, so I know pretty much no one. I briefly considered posting in random Facebook pages (but they could possibly turn out to be total psycopaths). My solution: I started a Facebook chat group with my friends who have similar goals. We motivate each other (mostly) and try to keep ourselves accountable. We even have friendly competitions to spur each other on—like who can run the most in 20 minutes, or improve the most in a week. Any and all achievements are celebrated.
- Set specific goals
“If your goals are not important enough, then it is likely you won’t follow them through.”
Are you training for a certain marathon? Is there an occasion you’re working towards? A holiday where you want to feel confident and sexy in formalwear and swimwear?
For me, I want to be happy with my body. I want it to be strong. After all, it will support me in all of life’s ups and downs. And honestly, I really like eating food.
“So many people do [it] just to look better but it is often not a powerful enough reason to keep you going back month after month. There needs to be a very powerful driver to keep up the motivation as you go,” Mel added.
This is why a more wholesome approach to health is far better—if your goals are to be healthy and nourish your body, you’re more likely to stick to it than if it was just to look like a Victoria’s Secret model.
- Keep a diary
I don’t mean some kind of obsessive calorie-counting record. Buy a cute diary, fill it with motivational quotes and pictures (Jennifer Lawerence for me), as well as your goals and progress. I also wrote a note to myself: never give up. Any time I felt like giving up, I’d read this and usually get a sense of motivation enough for me to change into gym clothes.
- Find a form of fitness you love
Try joining a local sporting team, take a yoga class, go for a walk on the beach, try pole dancing, or even random every day exercises at the home or gym. Find something you genuinely enjoy, and it won’t feel like a burden to you.
Personally, I’d love to either learn pole dancing or self-defence. But then I remember I’m poor, and stick to my cheap gym membership.
- Don’t feel like you have to conform to societal standards of beauty
All my life, I have struggled intensively with my own body image. I remember sitting in Kindergarten, and having a fellow classmate whisper to me: “you know you’re fat, right?” to which my five-year-old self nodded. Since then, I’ve struggled with eating disorders and fad diets. Honestly? They’re not worth it. Seriously. Don’t waste your money on Isagenix or any other tea tox. Yeah, you might lose weight, but that is because you are not eating. It’s not healthy, and it’s not sustainable. But time and time again, I try these things because I felt I needed to be skinny to feel happy. Wrong.
My dear reader, if you ever feel like this, I encourage you to metaphorically (or literally) yell: “fuck that!”. Because you are beautiful. Because you are powerful. Because you are strong. Because you’ve overcome every single challenge you’ve come across. Because you know true beauty is in the person you are, and how you treat those around you. Make a change for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
And most importantly?
Love yourself. Know that what you look like does not decide your worth as a human being. Screw society’s beauty standards.
I still believe there is kindness in this world. Even though we are engulfed with war, disease, suffering, death, hate and torture, I still believe there is hope.
A few days ago, I somehow popped my tyre while driving. Don’t ask me how. I just heard a massive BANG and there it was. A flat tyre. Now, normally I would have called family friends to come and help me. The only problem was: I now lived three hours away from them.
Oh, dear! I thought. How is it possible that I can write thousands upon thousands of words and analyse philosophical ideas, but I can’t change a damn tyre?
I was freaking out—and kicking myself for not learning to change a tyre sooner. That was when a random guy asked me if I was okay—and he helped me, with no thought of himself, not even accepting my offers of money as thanks. I was bewildered—and grateful.
Similarly, a few years ago I was at a petrol station, and my cards declined—one of which was supposed to contain child support payments from my father. I tried $20 on each. Declined. $15. Declined. $10. Declined. Even $5—once again, declined. I was humiliated to the point of trying even $2, while counting up ten cent pieces from my wallet. And that was when a man stepped out from behind me and paid the rest of what I owed.
“Don’t worry about it, mate,” he said. “We’ve all been there.”
And then he left without another word.
A tyre and some money; for them, it may not have meant much. But for me, it meant the world. Could it be that there are genuinely good people out there? People who are willing to help others with no thought of themselves?
My mum once told me a story about how she saved a woman from a rather dire car crash accident. She crawled into the overturned car to pull the woman out of the wreckage. At any moment, the car could have burst into flames: but she did it anyway.
I can’t say if I’ve saved a life—I’d like to hope someone else would have intervened if I hadn’t. Two years ago I was holidaying in Vanuatu at a place known as the Blue Lagoon—essentially, a very deep, very blue swimming hole. A mother was there, waiting to catch her two girls who were jumping off the wharf into the lagoon—only, it was much deeper than she anticipated. She began to struggle. She began to call for help—scream for help. I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I had to do something. Grabbing the girl—who couldn’t have been older than five—I slowly made my way to where I could touch the ground, banking on the idea that I could hold my breath for longer than she could. The mother cried, thanking me. Did I save her? I don’t know. But I did something, and that’s my point.
Something is all it takes, no matter how small, to change someone’s world. Small acts of kindness, small acts of bravery—that’s all it takes to change the world. So, what will you do? All it takes is one tiny step. Will you take it?